1

Your cart is empty.

Books for those in ministry organizations who desire to take their leadership, teams, governance, and ministry effectiveness to the next level.

12 Jun '13

EQ potholes to avoid

Posted by T.J. Addington in emotional intelligence (EQ)
Potholes can do a real number on one's alignment! That is true with our vehicles and for our personal lives. In both cases, it is better to avoid them rather than pay the price for hitting them.

Consider these personal potholes:


  • Getting sideways with someone and not doing all we can to make it right
  • Keeping a grudge
  • Assuming poor motives without clarifying those motives
  • Not listening to feedback that we don't like
  • Not asking for feedback from those around us
  • Blaming others for our mistakes
  • Taking credit for others work
  • Insisting on our way
  • Criticizing others to others rather than talking to those we disagree with
  • Easily taking offence
  • Defensiveness
  • Making life about me rather than about the mission of the organization
  • Taking on the offense of others and making it ours
  • Refusing to forgive an offence
  • Becoming enmeshed in the issues of others rather than insisting that they work out their own stuff
  • Listening to the issues of others without insisting that they go and make things right with those they have an issue with
  • Not being honest about our feelings and opinions
  • Telling people what they want to hear rather than what we actually think
  • Speaking truth without grace
  • Giving grace without truth
  • Not giving honest feedback when it is needed
  • Marginalizing people who are honest with us


Emotionally healthy individuals avoid these potholes and if they hit them make them right quickly. They understand that all of these are relational issues and that healthy relationships are the key to almost all ministry effectiveness. They take responsibility to the best of their ability to keep relationships healthy and to avoid relational breakdowns.

Unhealthy relationships and relational breakdown are the cause of a great deal of pain on ministry teams and within ministry organizations. Most of it would be avoided if we avoided these potholes and filled them in when they occur.

Emotionally unhealthy individuals often don't even recognize these as issues which is a tougher thing to deal with. They find ways to justify their behavior and denigrate those whom they disagree with. Where people with poor EQ create issues that hurt or distract from ministry, someone needs to help them understand the impact of their unhealthy behavior. Often that will fall to supervisors. To ignore it is to leave other team members in a no win situation.

Each of these potholes are discussed explicitly or implicitly in Scripture. If we are guilty of any of them we need to rethink our behavior. It will please God and it will keep us out of all sorts of personal alignment issues. Try not to hit these potholes and if you do, make it right quickly.

Healthy leaders work hard to ensure that healthy relationships are maintained on their teams. When they see potholes developing they work to get them filled in and relationships back where God wants them to be. Where that cannot happen, they move those who constantly create potholes off of their teams.